Recently my Higher Power allowed me to see up close the deadly consequences of addiction on three talented,
smart professionals; the RN whose alcoholism had reached such a crescendo that he was intoxicated at work
costing him his job, the RN struggling to come back from a recent opioid relapse and the RN whose food addiction,
a disease she and I shared, finally killed her. All three are well known to me, all three individuals with immense
talents, intelligence and gifts, all three are a lot like you and like me.
Their shared experience of the terrible costs of addiction was a painful reminder to me of where I would be if I
hadn’t found Overeaters Anonymous and if I hadn’t stayed once I did. Initially I stayed through three years of
failing to surrender and to find peace with food, then I stayed through a painful four-year relapse, ultimately, I
stayed whether I was abstinent or not because I knew this was the only hope for me when it came to my bondage
to food. Addiction is a disease, one that provides consequences almost beyond imagining and yet, that same
addiction can open the door to recovery leading to the healing of so many old wounds and to a life “beyond our
wildest dreams” as our founder, Roseanne, stated. It involves so much more than weight loss. Like many of you, I
came to OA because I wanted to lose weight. I had no idea of what awaited me, no concept of the incredible gifts
that would come as a result of putting down my alcoholic foods and working the steps.
Before finding OA, my character defects kept me locked in maladaptive patterns, living in fear, always fear that I
wasn’t enough and never would be. My consumption of alcoholic foods meant that I was triggering the physical
allergy every day. My failure to work the steps while abstinent meant that even when I wasn’t ingesting my trigger
foods, I was caught in the mental obsession that would always led me back to those foods. Without the relief and
growth that comes about as a result of working the steps, I was always going to relapse because I had to have the
temporary relief that came from ingesting those trigger foods; I had to have relief from the crippling fear, the
elemental fear that I wasn’t enough and never would be.
Through working the steps and becoming a student of the Big Book, I have found peace, serenity and a quiet joy.
My character defects are relieved a day, a situation at a time, every time I am willing to do a 10th step. By living in
10, 11 and 12, I can show up in authenticity at least most of the time and can be of service to my Higher Power and
others. Through the application of the steps, I am a better person, wife, mother, sister, friend, employee and
employer. I have found that my primary trigger food no longer calls my name and I can go anywhere freely just as I
am promised on page 100 of the Big Book “Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics
are not supposed to do”.
The gifts of this program are so much greater than freedom from the food obsession although that is a miracle in
and of itself. Abstinence from my alcoholic foods and freedom from the mental obsession allows me to move
closer, one day at a time, to who and what my Higher Power intended me to be.
As I close, I want to dedicate this blog post to Melony who died of our shared disease a year ago this month.
Melony was a bright light, a compassionate soul, a dedicated nurse who cared deeply for people with severe and
persistent illness and someone who loved her family immensely. She died at the age of 50 of the consequences of
this disease, her five-foot frame drowning in what I would guess was well over 400 pounds. Just for today, I
choose to live a life in recovery, knowing that I want more than anything to keep moving towards health, towards
recovery, towards my Higher Power. The gift of recovery is available to every single one of us. I wish Melony
would have accepted it.
Mary Y.
smart professionals; the RN whose alcoholism had reached such a crescendo that he was intoxicated at work
costing him his job, the RN struggling to come back from a recent opioid relapse and the RN whose food addiction,
a disease she and I shared, finally killed her. All three are well known to me, all three individuals with immense
talents, intelligence and gifts, all three are a lot like you and like me.
Their shared experience of the terrible costs of addiction was a painful reminder to me of where I would be if I
hadn’t found Overeaters Anonymous and if I hadn’t stayed once I did. Initially I stayed through three years of
failing to surrender and to find peace with food, then I stayed through a painful four-year relapse, ultimately, I
stayed whether I was abstinent or not because I knew this was the only hope for me when it came to my bondage
to food. Addiction is a disease, one that provides consequences almost beyond imagining and yet, that same
addiction can open the door to recovery leading to the healing of so many old wounds and to a life “beyond our
wildest dreams” as our founder, Roseanne, stated. It involves so much more than weight loss. Like many of you, I
came to OA because I wanted to lose weight. I had no idea of what awaited me, no concept of the incredible gifts
that would come as a result of putting down my alcoholic foods and working the steps.
Before finding OA, my character defects kept me locked in maladaptive patterns, living in fear, always fear that I
wasn’t enough and never would be. My consumption of alcoholic foods meant that I was triggering the physical
allergy every day. My failure to work the steps while abstinent meant that even when I wasn’t ingesting my trigger
foods, I was caught in the mental obsession that would always led me back to those foods. Without the relief and
growth that comes about as a result of working the steps, I was always going to relapse because I had to have the
temporary relief that came from ingesting those trigger foods; I had to have relief from the crippling fear, the
elemental fear that I wasn’t enough and never would be.
Through working the steps and becoming a student of the Big Book, I have found peace, serenity and a quiet joy.
My character defects are relieved a day, a situation at a time, every time I am willing to do a 10th step. By living in
10, 11 and 12, I can show up in authenticity at least most of the time and can be of service to my Higher Power and
others. Through the application of the steps, I am a better person, wife, mother, sister, friend, employee and
employer. I have found that my primary trigger food no longer calls my name and I can go anywhere freely just as I
am promised on page 100 of the Big Book “Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics
are not supposed to do”.
The gifts of this program are so much greater than freedom from the food obsession although that is a miracle in
and of itself. Abstinence from my alcoholic foods and freedom from the mental obsession allows me to move
closer, one day at a time, to who and what my Higher Power intended me to be.
As I close, I want to dedicate this blog post to Melony who died of our shared disease a year ago this month.
Melony was a bright light, a compassionate soul, a dedicated nurse who cared deeply for people with severe and
persistent illness and someone who loved her family immensely. She died at the age of 50 of the consequences of
this disease, her five-foot frame drowning in what I would guess was well over 400 pounds. Just for today, I
choose to live a life in recovery, knowing that I want more than anything to keep moving towards health, towards
recovery, towards my Higher Power. The gift of recovery is available to every single one of us. I wish Melony
would have accepted it.
Mary Y.
